A Diary: My 30’s – The In Between Years

Photography: Braunwyn Glaser (top) -  Alor Deng (bottom)
Lately I’ve caught myself flipping through anything on TV that portrays the somewhat perfect person or life. If  it seems too good to be true then I don’t want to watch it, yeah it’s not for me. I’m not a cynic, I just know things don’t work that way. LIFE doesn’t work that way. If it did then we’d all be happy. I’d be happy. I mean I am happy, I’m a totally happy person, but I could be happier.
I’m 31 years old and i’m single...newly single.
Being in your 30’s is sorta like waiting in line at an amusement park for a ride you aren’t sure about. There are other people in line that seem really confident and then there is you, you’re sorta nervous and just hope nothing breaks. You’re just waiting, waiting for your turn.
That’s sorta how I felt these past few years, I felt like I was waiting for my life to start, for my turn.
I never thought I’d have to start my life over at 31. I thought I’d have most things figured out by now. Especially the “whole who I’m going to marry” part and to be completely honest I thought I was going to marry my boyfriend, I was completely head over heels in love...
I got dumped the day after flying back to New York from Paris. It felt like I had been kicked in the face. I had six suitcases and I didn’t really know where to go, we were suppose to figure this part out together, I thought we were a team. I didn’t know where I was going to live and I had no idea what I was gonna do with my life. For the first time ever I felt lost.
No one talks about this period of your life where you’re still sort of figuring things out. People think that since you’re in your 30’s you must have all the answers, but this is the time we just have more questions. This is the in-between stage. We all go through this period in our life, but somehow we hardly talk about it.
I’ve left the amusement park line. I’ve left everybody waiting for their turn. I’ve decided to walk around a bit. I don’t think I want to ride a ride anymore, I’m headed to guest services...I have some questions.
To be continued....