I remember the day I decided I should just go for it. Henry and I had spent a good portion of our afternoon looking at apartments in Brooklyn. We had narrowed down our search to a small section of BK. Cobble Hill and Boerum Hill were my top choices. I was also willing to do Fort Greene, but I was gonna have to LOVE the place. Every apartment starts to look the same after a while. And every broker tells you the same thing. "Yeah, there is another person really interested"...Really? I doubt that, the landlord seems crazy and it's been the market for 70 days...but yeah sure.
I'd come home and be semi excited about a place, asking Henry how he felt. "Do you like it? It's cute right? Should we apply..you know just to see?" Looking back now, I see that I didn't really care much for any of these overpriced places, I just wanted it to be over with. I was moving out of the West Village and Brooklyn seemed like a new fresh start, for my relationship and for my life. I didn't even LIKE Brooklyn. I didn't want to move there, but convinced myself I did (at the time).
It was mid week and I met Henry for lunch at this Thai place in our neighborhood. It was too hot for Thai, but I was about to go to Bangladesh and for some reason wanted this meal. We talked about Brooklyn and after a few bites decided this isn't what we wanted. I don't think it was ever what I wanted.
The decision was made over my favorite meal. I was going to stop this Brooklyn nonsense.
It's easy to stay put in one place, the routine of it all, the friends, the connections and the fear of trying something new. I guess for me it wasn't necessarily "new" but it had been 13 years, and a lot can happen in 13 years and a person can change. I for sure had changed. I turned into this person who no longer felt happiness, and was doing everything to hide it. I cried a lot, I cried all the time honestly and I was quick to isolate myself. I no longer wanted to take photos and slowly felt myself becoming lazy. Which is something I am NOT. I'm not lazy or a sad person, But I was becoming a foreigner in my own body.
I think out of all the decisions I've made in the past year this has been the best one. It's been a little over two weeks and I feel like the old Christina is back, I haven't' cried once. I feel lighter, I have a better relationship with my boyfriend and more importantly with myself. I haven't felt this happy in years. I never want to go back to feeling the way I did before.
If there is some type of advice to take away from all of this, it's to just fucking DO IT. If you have been itching to move or travel or ask someone out, I suggest you go ahead and do it, because there is no day like the present and you're never going to get this life back so I suggest to live it to the fullest and be happy.
Bag: Polene - Jacket: Gat Rimon - Pants: 7 For All Mankind shoes: APC